living in such close proximity to death had marked me. I woke up at night, sensing its heavy breathing on the back of my neck. I saw it everywhere I went: its inevitability, its steady, onward march. It will eventually take everyone I love. It will eventually take me. I paced the house. I felt anxious and afraid.
Tag Archives | fear
There was something in me that needed to see for myself. I had had the supernatural miracle of an encounter with the divine messenger, but I needed to see the supernatural made natural: a woman who couldn’t be pregnant, miraculously pregnant. Sometimes we need to see it in someone else before we can truly believe it for ourselves.
I don’t know where to start, so perhaps I shall say this: every single attempt to get the NHS to treat me for my M.E. feels like a battle.
People often ask me how I can stand it as an extrovert – being housebound and unable to see friends very much. One answer is that I just have to – so that’s how I stand it. But another answer is ‘the Internet’. I started blogging when my brain energy was just good enough to […]
The car pulled up to the church, and the driver helped me out. I stepped onto the path, my silk-white high heels making the tiniest crunch on the gravel. And then I looked down at my dress. My dress! At some point on the journey it had turned yellow. It was bright yellow. My dress […]
I heard Emily Wierenga’s voice for the first time a while ago, on a youtube video, and I smiled, because it so perfectly matches her blog. She speaks softly and gently so you need to lean in close; it is full of sweetness and sparkles with the kind of joy that has been hard-won. I […]
I was transferring my text books from my locker into my school bag when a fellow student burst into the sixth-form common room. “You,” she said, with eyes full of fire and fury, “you’re a Christian. Where was God when this happened?” She indicated the headline on the newspaper. Sixteen children and one […]
It’s ‘Five minute Friday’ time, joining with Lisa-Jo Baker. She gives us 1 word, we write for 5 minutes flat – no backtracking or editing, throwing caution to the wind. Check out others’ five-minute offerings by clicking on the button below. This is my best five minutes on ‘Change’ There’s a coolness in the […]