Is faith all about the black and white?

“I have thanked God for my situation, I have raged at Him, I have pleaded with Him, I have refused to speak to Him.

There are times where I feel contentment, and other times where I feel an unbearable sadness.
There are times where I know the closeness of His spirit, and other times where I doubt His existence.
The choice to deny myself and the world, and follow Christ is not a clear big one-off act, but an ongoing, relentless discipline. (Which I fail at repeatedly.)

I need to hear again and again the truth that His grace is sufficient. I am Peter who denies my friend, I am resentful Martha, I am Mary who hears her Lord when she thought it was just the gardener.”

This is an extract from my latest post for Threads, a collective of Christians in their 20s and 30s. Click here to read the rest:

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4 Responses to Is faith all about the black and white?

  1. Janice 2nd February, 2013 at 9:53 pm #

    this was fantastic.

    I think you and I would have been bosom friends when we were 8. And I agree whole-heartedly that it seems like the big heroic act would be easier. (Which it probably wouldn’t be because no matter how brave I am in my imagination, I’m often a wuss in real life.) But living the daily thing is HARD.

    You know, this also makes me think of what I think being faith-full must feel like. Somehow I always imagined “living for God” would have some sort of emotional sound track that went with it. It would bring peace and contentment and more than enough energy for every task. Somehow living in the mundane-ness of life can feel so much less exciting than the Life of Faith was supposed to have felt that I can disqualify the faith that I do have. It just doesn’t FEEL important enough. But as always, when I stop to think of the concrete love of God reaching out to us here, where we are so bogged down and bored, I can’t help but be overwhelmed by how much he actually loves me.

    “It is the discipline of clinging to Christ in the grey, the murky, the confusing and the mundane.” There’s such a beauty in that thought.

    • Tanya 5th February, 2013 at 4:42 pm #

      Firstly – I’m so relieved that we we’d have been friends when we were 8! As I sent that one off, I was like ‘have i totally exposed myself as a complete weirdo??’

      Second – living for God having an emotional soundtrack – this concept stopped me in my tracks. Love your words. That’s it – perfectly.


  2. Mark Allman 2nd February, 2013 at 3:01 pm #

    This is a great post… you all should go over and finish reading it.

    It is with some shame that I admit I have always wanted to be a hero. To be tested and proven to be outstanding. To rise up and show all I am made of during tremendous hardship; events, or trials. It has not happened. I do not believe it ever will. I am learning more and more that life and faith are lived in the mundane; in the minutia of life. This living in the murky waters of life can be very hard and sometimes disheartening. I think in the final analysis it is harder to live out the daily grind than some “obscure great test”. One guy was bragging to me one time about how willing he was to die for the cause of Christ. I asked him how willing was he to live the daily grind for him? For me that may be tougher.

    For one I think you are living with tremendous faith Tanya. I admire all that you do despite your illness. I have asked all of the same questions as you and I have not suffered near as much as you do. Robert Ingersoll Green said … “the greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart”. I see great courage in you Tanya. It takes this courage on all of our parts to maintain our faith when we think we are living in obscurity. When nothing makes sense. To trust God in the minutia of life is critical; for he has promised us he is with us regardless if we acknowledge it or not.

    What do you think Tanya?

    • Tanya 5th February, 2013 at 4:48 pm #

      Thank you for this comment – I’m glad you put it on here as well. 🙂

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