My boy seemed to be energised by the wind, running like a crazy thing and whooping with laughter. I watched him run and scoot on his scooter, and then Jon got a kite out, so I took photos while my little boy danced with the wind, trying to catch the kite as it flew. On the horizon the turquoise waves jumped with the wind, everything on God’s green earth moving to the same beat.
I can truly say, then, that God has been vividly present in my pain. Not that he wants us to suffer, either directly or indirectly. Rather, he is present in our suffering, helping to redeem and transform it.
“What’s her name?”
The airport official spoke over my head to my husband and it took me a while before I even registered she was referring to me.
Why doesn’t she just ask me? I wondered. And then it clicked: it’s because of the wheelchair.
Hearing my son say, “I killed Kevin and his parents” was at first surreal, but it only took a few moments for the realization to set in that his life and that of our family were going to forever change in ways that I could have never imagined. A father’s first instinct is to protect his children. How could I protect Alec in this situation?
For anyone lost in the middle of sadness and pain: this is for you. You know, somewhere in the recesses of your mind, that one day, there will be no mist, and even the brightness of the sun will be surplus to requirements because the beautiful, rainbow-glory of God will be shining, iridescent and glorious. You know that what you see now is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal
Whilst still married, I have fallen in love with another who pursued me for all that he needed before he then rejected me, and abused power and position to save himself.
I have suffered from depression, and I know the madness that has such power that it convinced me that my children would be better off if I was dead.
Jealousy comes from a scarcity-mindset.
My friend Abby Norman is always talking about ‘scarcity-thinking’. We view good things as being in scarce supply, so we hold onto ours tightly, and resent others for having good things. Scarcity says: I need more. I want what they have. Abundance says: there is enough. I have enough. I am enough.
I didn’t understand. From age 11 through to age 14 and beyond, I didn’t understand how people who claimed to follow the same God as me could have such a radically different view of His purpose and plan. God stood, distant and cold, behind a dark cloud of resentment, anger, and confusion. And I gave up on Him.
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Tanya Marlow blogs on the Bible, suffering and the messy edges of life [read more]