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Calcium Shower
Ever wondered about the process of creativity (which is to say, how I come up with my ideas for blogging)?
Well. wonder no more! I explain all here, over at Elora’s place.

 

Elora Nicole is the mastermind behind Story 101, the online writing course I’ve been doing, and it’s an honour to be over at her place today for her series on creativity.
 
This is how it begins:

 
“I believe that I have a muse, and that she lives in the shower.”

 
(I’m not insane, honestly.) Come on over with me?
 

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Curly hair
 
“So – I’ve been thinking about a theology of hair curlers recently – how are you?”

 
It had been a while since I last had a friend round, and I had a whole lot of pent-up extrovert energy. I babbled like my young son: a mixture of dying to tell someone what I’d been thinking and trying-to-remember-the-proper-manners. We hovered in the kitchen, in that ‘waiting for the kettle to boil’ no-man’s-land of social convention.

 

“Oh!” Cat replied. “Right…”

 
I took that as an invitation to continue, and spurted it all out.

 
****

 

Something peculiar has been happening to me recently. People who have known me for a long time can testify that I am not really a ‘girly-girl.’

 

This is my confession: I have never spent longer than 10 minutes doing make-up. I don’t style my hair, I just wash it and let it dry in its own sweet time. It curls underneath and is straight at the top, which means that some days it works, and some days it really doesn’t. I choose my clothes according to how warm it is outside and whatever happens to be clean and in my drawer. I come upon fashions when everyone else has stopped wearing them. The concept of accessorising terrifies me.

 

But Abby Leigh surprised me by writing of fashion, and Christian bloggers Alia Joy and Joy Bennett wrote how putting care and thought into what they wore transformed their mental attitude and sense of worth. Before then, I wouldn’t have thought fashion and God would really go together.
 

Until, these last few months, (pre-relapse), inspired by the TV program Nashville, I have started to curl my hair – with proper curlers, and everything. I’ve been surprised at how much I enjoy it, and feel good about looking good – and so, naturally, I’ve been feeling guilty about the time and energy it takes to do it. Surely God wouldn’t want me to be spending my time with this? Doesn’t God disapprove of such fripperies?

 

And then I consider again: is this really how I should be spending my energy, when I have so little? Is it not hideously self-indulgent to invest time and money on primping?

 

Which leads me onto writing. (Stay with me on this).

 

I think of my blogging, my writing, as a luxurious self-indulgence. It was only recently, doing the one-day Story 101 course with Elora and Preston and reading Ed Cyzewski‘s short book that I considered for the first time that my writing could be a calling, a ministry, a way of worshipping God and serving Him. Despite the fact that I write about faith issues and spirituality, this was something of a revelation. (I think I unconsciously subscribe to the philosophy that if I like doing something it must be a sin or an idol in some way.)

 

But what if the things that we enjoy are part of our calling? After all, we have the psalms in the Bible – that’s poetry, music. God appointed craftsmen to make the tabernacle beautiful and colourful – He could have just set it up to be a 1960s-style utilitarian shack. Drama enables us to understand ourselves and the world better; art forces us to think and consider the eternal; cooking enables us to enjoy God’s gifts and give pleasure to others; Miriam danced when she prophesied; David played the harp to calm Saul’s depression.

 

What if God created us to play as well as work? Do you think it’s possible to have a theology of curling one’s hair?

 

“What do you think?” I asked her, and I found myself unexpectedly nervous.

 

“Um, you sound like you’re talking in blog,” she said, which was true. I hadn’t so much as paused for breath. She got a cup of coffee, settled down on the sofa, took a breath, and considered all that I said. “I guess it can be a problem if you’re spending all your time on your appearance and your identity is in that. It could become an idol.”

 

She was right, of course, that that was a danger, and a very real problem for many; but the idea of me being obsessed with how I looked is so far removed from my personality that I involuntarily snorted.

 

“Yeah – I don’t think that would be an issue for me. What if it’s not an idol? What do you think – is there a way you can justify it? Make-up and stuff? Fashion? Poetry and playing with words?”

 

She paused, and thought. “If it’s a way of bringing attention to God’s creation, adorning God’s creation, I think that gives glory to God.”

 

I breathed a sigh of relief. I had not known how much it mattered: realising that I wanted permission, somehow. I sat for a moment and hugged that thought to my chest: the possibility that as well as working and serving, God permits us to – no, enjoys seeing us – play, create.

 

*****

 

We live in a fallen world, but our theology does not start at the Fall, it starts at creation. God is not anti-pleasure. We were built to enjoy God’s good gifts. We were made in the image of God, and part of that image is that we too are creative beings; we take enjoyment in creating beauty. God blessed us to work in the garden, to play, to procreate.

 

In every sphere of life there is that fault-line of creation and fall: God’s good things that have been spoilt. There is paradox, both-ands. I want to tread that line with care, with humility.
 

We can pause awhile while we chop onions and throw red and green peppers into the pan, and reflect on the green and red of the fruit-filled trees in that first garden. We can remember the fact that God’s Spirit is always hovering over the deep, and He continues to speak life into places of darkness, of nothingness. It can be a corner of the day where we hold in our hands that thing we have done, and reflect on the possibility of God’s joy in designing us. It can be that time when we remember the sheer pleasure of making something out of nothing, beauty from dust, colour from grey.
 

Creativity can become a sacred space, if we invite God into it. This is what my hair curlers are teaching me.
 

Advance notice: Guest post series on creativity – all July! I want to think more about creativity, and I’ve invited poets, artists, musicians, and academics to help us do so. It’s gonna be good!!
 
Over to you:

  • How do you express your creativity?
  • In what ways can your ‘play time’ become a sacred space?

 
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The wonderful Leigh Kramer does a monthly ‘what I’m into’ post, and I thought that was a fab idea! So I’m linking up with her, and do take a while to look round her blog- she’s one of the nicest people in the blogosphere.

 

What I'm Into at HopefulLeigh

Here’s what I’ve been into in May. (If you want to read some excellent blogs on suffering, ME awareness, spirituality or the recent SGM spiritual abuse case, click to my May Bits’n'Blogs post).

 

Books

Brother of more famous jack

  • Brother of the More Famous Jack - Barbara Trapido. A friend sent this in the post as a surprise present, and it was just what I needed this month. A cross between Franny & Zooey by JD Salinger, and Mansfield Park by Jane Austen, with a more contemporary twist, I found this the ultimate comfort reading. 1960s? 70s? (I’m a bit fuzzy on exactly when) – a girl is introduced to her lefty, bohemian history professor’s family. It’s simultaneously a celebration of liberal politics and a very gentle critique of it, and a good old love story. I just loved hanging out with the characters. It was intelligent, but easy to read – the equivalent of sitting down to a leisurely breakfast with black coffee, a croissant with Bonne Maman raspberry jam, and The Guardian on Saturday. (And short chapters. Praise be for short chapters.) (Trigger warning: baby loss). Get it from amazon.co.uk or amazon.com.

 

 

Crappy parenting amber Dusick

  • Parenting (illustrated with crappy pictures) - Amber Dusick. I love Amber Dusick’s website so much, and if I am ever feeling a little down, I spend about an hour on her website and laugh again. If you are a parent (and don’t object to the occasional irreverent word or reference to faecal matter), then you will cry with laughter at these stories, illustrated with cartoons (aka ‘crappy’ pictures). If you have never read any of Amber Dusick, you must do so immediately. It is an order. Start with this. And this. Should you get it if you have read her website religiously? Perhaps not. Much as I loved it, there was little that was really fresh material, and I prefer the blog format to the book format. But if you are new to Amber’s stuff, you will love this book, and I reckon it would be a fantastic present for stressed Mums, particularly if they don’t ‘do’ blogs. Get it from amazon.co.uk or amazon.com

 

 

Film
image

Les Miserables – I finally got to see it! I have been waiting for the DVD to come out for SO long. It was amazing to finally see it. So. You need to know that I am not just a fan, but something of a fanatic when it comes to Les Mis. (We’re on nickname terms, Les Mis and me.) I first saw the musical in London when I was an oldish child, maybe ten/twelve. I loved it so much I was still crying on the tube ride for ten mutes afterwards (yes, I have always been somewhat emotional). We saw it again. We bought the music, and I played the piano and my sister and I sang them all, over and over. Then, I later read the novel (the two volumes). It may well be my favourite book of all time. Jon told me not to review Les Mis, the film, because I would pick it apart and just ruin it for everyone. So I shall try restrain myself.

 

There were some changes to the musical I liked: the parts where it is more true to the book (the ending, in particular, made more sense than the original musical). The scenes of the barricades and the chorus numbers in Paris were spectacular, and brought back much of the details of the book to me. However, I didn’t like the changes to the music. Much of the dialogue was chopped, particularly from the beginning, and it felt musically disjointed. In terms of the actors, I thought they were all good, though few were outstanding. I am a singing snob, so the fact that I only laughed out loud twice (once at Amanda Seyfried, once at Russell Crowe), is pretty good. I wish that Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman could have just stood still in their solos. The music is so emotive, and their acting was so ‘dramatic-dramatic’, that it all became just too distracting, too hammy, too much, and I felt emotionally distant from it; whereas even listening to a recording of the music I feel more emotionally connected to it. The music has enough power of its own: which is why Russell Crowe, even though he had a much weaker voice, did an okay rendition of Stars. Eddie Redmayne was a near-perfect Marius, and his Empty Chairs at Empty Tables was THE moment of the film for me. Hugh Jackman was great – his voice doesn’t have that magic of Colm Wilkinson, (the original Valjean, who plays the Bishop in the film), and I do wish he wouldn’t pace around so much, but he was eminently likeable and intense. I had goosebumps when Colm’s voice came in as the Bishop – even with so few lines he steals the scene. Samantha Barks as Eponine was very good. The Thenardiers were perfect – Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter were superb. And I loved Enroljas – for me, he was the best of the lot.
 

Okay. I shall stop now. I did love it, overall. I ought to mention that. Overall, it is excellent, and I shall watch it again and again. If you are also a diehard fan, let me know what you thought of it in the comments. If you have never seen Les Miserables – oh my goodness! – stop what you are doing and get it immediately! Seriously. Buy from amazon.co.uk or amazon.com

 

M.E. books

As it was M.E. awareness day this month, I thought it might be helpful to highlight some books on M.E.

 

 

  • Everything Beautiful in Its Time – Catherine Ashenfelter. Catherine had severe M.E. and was miraculously healed from it. I came across her story via the Grace Charity for ME (run by Catherine), which offers excellent links and resources. I often refer to it. Her story is compelling, I read it in one sitting. It so vividly describes the institutional abuse of M.E. patients by the medical community. I loved her thoughts on prayer and healing, and how people react to miracles. If you enjoyed my ‘When God doesn’t heal’ post, I think you would enjoy this. She writes with thoughtfulness and theological nuance. Download it – for free! – here (PDF) or here (Word document)

 

  • A Beginner’s Guide to ME/CFS – Nancy Blake. Written by a former nurse, and M.E. sufferer, this is really helpful and reassuring. If you have been recently diagnosed with M.E., this little book is fantastic for answering the ‘what do I do now?’ question, particularly on explaining the importance of rest and pacing. Get it from Amazon.co.uk or Amazon.com

 

Art/ greetings cards
I’ve discovered a new writer and artist recently: Beth Morey. Sometimes a friend is going through a hard time, and I want to send some kind of card. The standard ‘in sympathy’ cards just don’t cut it, and I don’t have the liberty of spending a long time in a card shop to choose just the right thing. Beth’s cards are perfect. Even with shipping from the US, it works out at approximately £1.50 for each card, and they are such excellent quality. You can order them from her etsy shop, epiphany studio.

 

Miscellaneous:
Revlon lip butter: candy apple. Halfway between lip balm and lipstick. Sometimes, when I’m lying in bed in my PJs, I like to put on bright red lipstick. Just because.

 

May has been characterised by writers’ block and an M.E. relapse – so not much has been going on here. I’ve been thankful for sunshine!

 

Over to you:
What have you been into this past month?

 

**Disclosure: I have become an Amazon affiliate, which means if you click on a link above of something I have recommended and buy it, you will donate a few pennies to me, at no extra cost to you! How good is that?? (Needless to say, I only recommend stuff that I like.)**
 
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Bits’n'Blogs May 2013

A little late – here is the monthly round up of the best of the interwebs (What I’m into will follow at the weekend):

 

 

For weary parents

 

On God and suffering

  • This was an outstanding talk by my friend, Dave Bish, on Ruth 1 – Naomi’s bitterness and how to respond when you go through suffering. If you have 30 minutes, listen. You will be blessed by it.
  • Micha Boyett – The pursuit of enough. “Going to counselling is one of the bravest and wisest things I’ve ever done.” – so much to love in this amazing piece. This is Micha at her best.
  • Billy Coffey @ Prodigal – A God with sharp edges. I love Billy’s writing, and this, on whether or not God breaks you, is excellent.

 

Chronic illness/disability

  • After my post for Prodigal, one commenter pointed me to this: this is a guest post written by a therapist after meeting with Dan, who has M.S. It is poetically and poignantly written, about the struggle of having a body that feels like you, and yet not like you; the affects of having a disability upon your spirituality. I found it very moving.
  • Guardian Comment is free - The NHS is killing disabled people

 

M.E. Awareness

May was the month of M.E. awareness, and it was helpful to see some good stuff out there. I really appreciated all the support of those who shared my post on M.E. and silence.

  • I was really touched that one of my friends wrote about M.E. on her blog, saying how she had discovered what the illness is really like through knowing me.
  • If you’ve never read this, by Lauren Hillenbrand (author of Seabiscuit), read it immediately. It is a compelling account of what it feels like to have M.E. A sudden illness.
  • Karina Hansen, a severe M.E. sufferer in Denmark, has been sectioned and forcibly taken to a psychiatric hospital, because the psychiatrists do not believe she is physically ill. Her parents are not allowed to see her. Her health appears to be deteriorating. Read more here.
  • ME – not ‘tired all the time’ - blog by Jess
  • Teenager with M.E. is accused of exaggerating her illness - short video from ITV news
  • Please take two minutes to vote for M.E. research Uk to win this £2000 grant from Direct Debit? They’re winning but need more votes!

 

News, politics and response

  • Angelina Jolie’s piece on why she chose a double mastectomy. You would understand if a mastectomy would make her feel disempowered, de-feminised, and yet reading this, it is her femininity and power that shine through. I was deeply impressed by her response to it, and her choice to go public in order to raise awareness.
  • For links on Oklahoma and Bangladesh, read my post on those stories.

 

Spiritual abuse and silence

For those who are ignorant of it, there has been an ongoing court case in the US, accusing leaders of SGM ministries in a cover-up of sexual abuse in their church, going back twenty, thirty years. The case is controversial, because one of those accused of covering up is prominent conservative evangelical leader and author, CJ Mahaney. The civil lawsuit was recently dismissed, because 9 of the 11 plaintiffs were outside of the statute of limitations (if you are abused as a child, you have to sue for damages before you are 24, and they were older) and 2 were living outside state boundaries.
 
My friend, Ros Clarke, wrote this on her Facebook status, and it was so good I have quoted it in full here:

“Really horrified by this statement from the Gospel Coalition. This response from GRACE explains why: http://netgrace.org/where-are-the-voices-the-continued-culture-of-silence-and-protection-in-american-evangelicalism/
 
“While Mahaney continues to be on the Council of the Gospel Coalition and receive such support from its leaders, the integrity of the whole organisation is called into question. In the statement, Don Carson, Kevin De Young, and Justin Taylor say: “Furthermore, pastors are responsible to obey all mandatory reporting laws, alerting law-enforcement officials and fully cooperating with all investigations. This is not an alternative to church discipline and gospel counsel, but a necessary and complementary role of divinely instituted civil authorities.”

“But this is exactly the serious wrongdoing with which Mahaney is charged. These charges have not yet been investigated by anyone. The case was dismissed because it was beyond the statute of limitations, not because there was insufficient evidence, nor yet because anyone was found guilty.

“Who knows if children are currently being abused in Mahaney’s new church? One person who abused children as a youth minister at a church Mahaney previously pastored has been convicted already. And who knows if he is complicit in covering it up and advising others not to inform the police? Until this is investigated, how can it be known?

“In a statement on the same issue on the Together for the Gospel website, Mark Dever, Ligon Duncan and Al Mohler say: “If a Christian leader is accused of any wrongdoing, those to whom he is accountable must investigate the charges and then deal responsibly with the evidence…. A Christian leader, charged with any credible, serious, and direct wrongdoing, would usually be well advised to step down from public ministry.”

“Why has no one advised Mahaney to step down? Why does he remain in public ministry? Why does he continue to receive public support from the Gospel Coalition and Together for the Gospel?

“Why has no investigation been announced into the very credible and serious charges that have been brought? Surely SGM ought to have their own investigation – invited a third party organisation to examine them? For even if there is a statute of limitations in the legal system, we can be sure that there is not one in God’s sight. It is part of our responsibility as Christians to bring sins into the light. If those accused are innocent, would they not welcome such an investigation to clear their names and restore confidence in their ministry?

“I don’t know why there has not been more outrage, and why so few have publicly called for Mahaney (and the others named in the plea who are not so widely known) to be thoroughly investigated. But if you are outraged, say so as publicly as you can. Perhaps if more voices are heard, this will not be allowed to continue.”

 

Ros’ comments prompted me to look more deeply at the primary documents, rather than just people’s blogs on the issue. These are the best links I have found to examine the evidence:

  • This is the ABC news reporting on the ruling.
  • This is the Defendants’ motion to dismiss the suit (ie SGM’s grounds for dismissing the action). It argues that the plaintiffs are not allowed anonymity, then (as far as I can work out), says that the church leadership cannot be viewed as a whole (“class”) and that people need to be named individually in order to answer any charges (ie the church leadership cannot be held guilty of cover up, the individuals have to be named and identified precisely how they covered up. It also argues that some of the plaintiff’s complaints are invalid because they did not file within 7 years of reaching your majority. (Confusingly, some reports seem to say ’3 years’ and others 7 – but the critical age seems to be 24). That leaves two people – but as they are currently living in Virginia and not Maryland, they are not valid either, because they are outside the state. It also argues that if clergy are told something in confidence, they are not obliged to report it, but this wasn’t upheld, only the statute of limitations part.
  • So this then is the Plaintiff’s amended complaint, which names both the plaintiffs and the defendants individually. (I read it and felt sick). It is fairly graphic, fairly specific, fairly horrific.

 

On my blog:

It has been a funny old month – I have been in the midst of this relapse, so it has been helpful that I’ve had so many pre-written posts on others’ blogs. It was a privilege, in particular, to write for Prodigal. It seems that my piece, When God doesn’t heal, hit a nerve, with over 4000 Facebook shares. I am so grateful for all who shared it and commented on how that was their experience, too.

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Tanya Marlow - about meAfter my piece for Prodigal magazine, Donald McAllister asked me to interview me for his podcast site, Bibledoing.com

 

We conducted the interview over Skype, which I still view as something quite magical. Towards the end of the interview, there is a brief period where my voice sounds a bit like an alien, but it comes back quite quickly and is fine for the rest. (I quite like my voice as an alien.)

 

It was a real pleasure to chat to Don and get to know him a little better. He is a great guy, and I loved hearing his love story. He also wrote on Prodigal recently, telling the story of losing his dream house. His podcast site is a great resource – do check out the other interviews.

 

Here’s the link for 20 mins of me answering Don’s questions on suffering and unanswered prayer – come on over with me?

 

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Afghanistan Shepherd - From Afghanistanmatters, (Flickr: Creative Commons licence)

Afghanistan Shepherd – From Afghanistanmatters, (Flickr: Creative Commons licence)

This is the fourth week of an M.E. relapse, which means I am more isolated than usual, needing to spend even more time in bed, in silence.

 

I am an extrovert. I find that when I’m with people, I have more thoughts and ideas, more motivation and excitement to write and learn, than when I am in periods of silence. In order to write well, I need conversation. I need other people. When I am silent, I don’t really know what I am thinking. My thoughts swirl around idly and I can’t grab ahold of them. I only know what I’m thinking when someone asks me a question.

 

The irony is not lost on me. I am in bed, with all this time to write, and now probably enough cognitive energy to write a little, every other day – but I am not writing. The lack of stimulation is silencing me. I have forgotten what I wanted to say, and have lost confidence that anyone is interested. (Logically, I know that people are interested, but annoyingly, my muse does not run on logic, only on emotion.)

 

My voice feels quiet and small.

 

I am guessing that this is how introverts feel when they talk to extroverts – their voice is quiet and small. When they retreat, when they have silence, that’s when their voice resumes its volume. They can finally know what they think, and their voice resounds majestically around the cathedral of their mind.

 

This is not what quiet does for me. The quiet makes me quieter and smaller, and all I can hear are others’ voices, bouncing around my head.

 

****

 

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters.” Psalm 23:2

 

The image is of a shepherd, leading his sheep. We hear it sung by angelic choirboys and we think, ‘how idyllic’. I don’t. Perversely, I start to feel all indignant for the sheep, and their lack of control over where they go and what they do.

 

He makes me lie down. This verse is all very well; but what if you don’t want to lie down? What if you want noisy waters?

 

I have also always been intrigued by verse four of Psalm 23: ‘your rod and your staff, they comfort me.’ Because what does a shepherd use a rod and staff for? Not for stroking the sheep, certainly.

 

A shepherd uses a rod to ward off potential attackers, but also to tap the flank of wayward sheep, to guide them if they wander. The pain keeps them back on track. A staff is for hooking sheep out if they’re stuck somewhere. I presume the shepherd hooks the crook around the sheep’s neck or flank, and then tugs and drags them out.

 

We know, as outsiders, that the Shepherd has good purposes – but what does the sheep know? All that the sheep really knows is that he/she is being hit, or yanked. The rod and staff both bring pain and discomfort to the sheep, even as they are rescued or kept from danger. And sheep, being sheep, probably don’t understand why on earth they are being hurt.

*****

 

Let me be clear: I don’t believe this relapse is discipline to me for being ‘wayward’. I think it is the normal progression of the illness. This is just what the illness does, and there is little I can do to influence it, though I do try. I don’t know of any ‘greater purpose’ or lesson from this particular episode or indeed this whole, horrible illness. There may or may not be one. This world is broken. Sometimes suffering is just hard.

 

And yet, suffering – of various kinds – always feels like a blow from God’s hand, whatever the natural or logical explanation. “The Lord has afflicted me”, complains Naomi, when her husband and sons die (Ruth 1:21). “His hand is heavy against me,” says Job, of his suffering (Job 23:2).

 

Sometimes, the blows fall repeatedly, and it is just hard, it is just painful, and you don’t know why it is happening.

 

At those times, I like to read Psalm 23 and hear its challenge.

 

“The Lord is my Shepherd. I lack nothing.” (Psalm 23:1).

 

Verse five tells us David has enemies – so technically, this is not true. He lacks peace, freedom from attack, slander, enemies. But he says it anyway – “if I have God, that is enough.” He doesn’t say it descriptively, he says it prophetically, with the eyes of faith. David has the same kind of unquestioning trust that a sheep has for its Shepherd. It is no more foolish for a Christian to trust God in the midst of pain than it is for a sheep to trust their Shepherd in the midst of a dark valley, with only the painful tap of a rod to guide them.

 

A rod. A staff. Made to lie down.

 

This is a different kind of comfort, to be sure. This is not the easeful blanket that I long for.

 

I sigh, and read the psalm again. I read it to be reminded that there is goodness and mercy; a banquet prepared for me, and a place in God’s house forever. I pray David’s words, for God to restore my soul and guide me in paths of righteousness.

 

Sometimes it is just enough to remember that I don’t need to understand everything.
Sometimes it is just enough to remember that there really is a Shepherd.

 

Over to you:

  • When has suffering felt like God is dealing you heavy blows?
  • Which parts of Psalm 23 do you like the most?

 
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“The antidote to laziness is not to work harder. It’s easy to work a 70-hour-week and then get ill. Anyone can do it. Many are.

“If you want to avoid the deadly sins of sloth and workaholism, there is a harder call.”

 

The team at Threads magazine are doing a great series on the ‘Seven Deadly Sins’, and I’m really looking forward to reading all of them. This is my contribution – see if you can work out which deadly sin they thought would be most appropriate for me to write about…
 
Won’t you click over and join me at Threads?
 

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Oklahoma blown
I don’t know what to write without it sounding trite. Sometimes silence is better, and I hesitate to add my noise to the mix. But sometimes the words can help us pause.

 

****

 

Bangladesh

 
For the last couple of months, I have had Isaiah 3 rattling around my head. It is a condemnation of the rich women of Judah who parade their beautiful jewellery. It lists it all – the sheer abundance of it:

“…the bangles and headbands and crescent necklaces, the earrings and bracelets and veils, the headdresses and anklets and sashes, the perfume bottles and charms, the signet rings and nose rings, the fine robes and the capes and cloaks, the purses and mirrors, and the linen garments and tiaras and shawls.” Is 3:18-23

 

This is the West, this is us, me. We have so much. We waste so much.

 

But God does not condemn them for their vanity – he condemns them for the provenance of their riches:

 

“‘What do you mean by crushing my people
and grinding the faces of the poor?’
declares The Lord, The Lord Almighty.” Is 3:15

 

The clothes in my wardrobe are from various developing countries, and few of them are fair trade, though I would like to buy fair trade. I now buy my clothes entirely from eBay, so my clothes are second-hand, but it is almost impossible as a Westerner to cleanse yourself from the stain of ‘sin by association’. I am writing on an iPad, and it says ‘assembled in China’ and I wince as I know that Apple has a dubious record of treating its workers well. I would happily pay £50 extra for a fair trade iPad, but I don’t have that choice. I only have the choice to buy or not buy. I bought it: but would I have bought it if I could see their faces?

 

“What do you mean by crushing my people and grinding the faces of the poor?”

 

Like others, I have been haunted by this picture of the victims of the Bangladesh factory collapse. These are their faces, the faces of the poor who have been crushed because of our desire for cheap clothes.

 

The news on this will fade, and we will forget it. I don’t want to forget it. I want to have this verse ringing in my ears. I don’t want my purchases to be crushing God’s people – either figuratively or literally.

 

It is hard to do this. The world is one big tangled-up mess, and it is hard to try to untangle ourselves from the sin that is everywhere. But I want to try.

 

*****

 

Oklahoma

 

I looked at the pictures. There was so much destruction, so much vulnerability. The thing that moved me most was the report that someone had grabbed a megaphone and was reading out the names of the school children who had survived. I couldn’t quite get my head around the feeling of being the parent in that crowd – waiting, hoping, for your child’s name to be read out.

 

Whenever I hear of earthquakes or storms wreaking such disaster, I think of Romans 8:22:
“We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.”

 

Everything is affected by our brokenness and sin – even the weather, even the earth. We are broken, and we live upon a broken earth.

 

What should we do at times like this, when suffering is so big that we don’t know what to do?

 

We hold off answering the big questions: we feel them, rather than asking them. We sit. We weep with those who weep, even the ones we have not met. We pray. We pick up the rubble and rebuild.
 

*****

Me

 

This week I have been more aware than usual of my brokenness and vulnerability. I am still in the middle of this relapse – my cognitive energy is much better than a week ago, but I am still having to cancel seeing people, still needing others to look after my boy in the afternoons. I am still spending hours and hours in bed, alone and I am struggling with it. I feel guilty for struggling with it – because, well, there are people who are waking up today without their child, or brother, or father, whose homes have been swept away. But guilt is not productive. So I tell you honestly – I am struggling. I am sad for Bangladesh, and for Oklahoma, and for me. Brokenness comes in different forms and different degrees, and we can feel sorrow for all of it.

 

*****

 
I read Romans 8:18:
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
I sit with that verse and cry awhile – feeling the brokenness, feeling the outrageous hope.

 
I don’t often pray this particular prayer, because I don’t often mean it, but this week I mean it: Come, Lord Jesus. Come, Lord Jesus.

 

 

Over to you:
Sit, weep, pray: Read the news reports on Bangladesh and Oklahoma. Read this article by Vicky Walker and this one by Zack Hunt on Bangladesh; this one by Addie Zierman on Oklahoma.

 
Rebuild: You can donate to the Oklahoma disaster relief effort here. In the US, you can text REDCROSS to 90999—it’ll automatically send $10 to Red Cross relief in the area. You can help the Bangladesh survivors by donating to Save the Children, who are doing ongoing charity work in Bangladesh.

 
Reform: Buy Fair Trade – these sites in the US and UK are a good starting point. Sign this petition to Gap, H&M, and other apparel brands. This excellent website has a searchable list of products and stores, rated according to how ethical they are, to inform our buying choices.

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Handcuffs

What we think of as our greatest achievements, may, in the light of eternity, be nothing; what we think of as our weakness may, in the light of eternity, be our greatest achievement.

I’m delighted to be over at Bible Reflections today, writing why living our ‘Plan B’ may not be such a bad thing, after all. Do check out the other great articles while you’re there. Won’t you come on over with me?

(NB this is adapted from an earlier post, so long-term readers may find it strangely familiar!)

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“I know the story I am supposed to tell. I am suppose to tell the story of my miraculous healing…”

Not many people know that I have a story of miraculous healing. I am VERY excited to be telling my story in Prodigal today – both of my miraculous healing and my not being healed. Please do come over with me and comment!

Health update: It has been a funny kind of a week. I am taking it very, very easy this week as I try and ride out this relapse. I am better than I was, but my battery is running very low indeed. I am cancelling one thing at a time, and postponing the panic. And people have been so very kind – I am really very grateful. And thank you so much for sharing my post far and wide for ME awareness on Monday – i was overwhelmed by the response. Thank you so much.

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