Is God enough? – Caiobhe


I don’t normally publish posts by anonymous bloggers, but I have made an exception for Caiobhe of The Hope Diaries. She blogs honestly and humbly about healing, repentance, forgiveness, and above all, hope in rebuilding a marriage after having had an affair. Her writing is beautiful and finds redemption in mess and darkness, and this is her God and Suffering story:
 

photo used with permission

photo used with permission


 
I know that my ‘suffering’ is nothing in comparison to that of many, but I still rage against it, and wish it were otherwise, and question God about why these things happen. Why should we accept hard things, destructive things, life-destroying things in our lives? I don’t believe that there is purpose in suffering. I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that we live in a chaotic, disordered world, and as humans we are exposed to all the consequences of chaos, disorder and human frailty.
 

This list is a few of the hard, destructive, life destroying things I’ve experienced so far in my life.

  • As a child, my close friend was abducted and murdered
  • As a teenager, a very close, young family member was diagnosed with a long-term degenerative disease
  • As a mother, I’ve seen my children suffer from little-understood, disabling chronic conditions and all the psychological pain that the physical brings with it.
  • As a wife, I have seen my marriage hit crisis as the pain that the two of us were carrying prevented us from caring for each other.
  • Whilst still married, I have fallen in love with another who pursued me for all that he needed before he then rejected me, and abused power and position to save himself.
  • I have suffered from depression, and I know the madness that has such power that it convinced me that my children would be better off if I was dead.

 
The question I’ve asked when I’ve been at the end of my ability to cope with circumstances has been this, ‘Is God enough?’ If there is nothing else good, will God be enough for me? Can he be enough?
 
As I’ve asked the question the answer I’ve received from God has been this one word.
 
Wait.
 
So I have waited.
 
I have waited with anger and tears, frustration and disappointment, bitterness and regret, confusion and pain.
 
This is what I have found in the waiting.
 
God is with us.
 
It is that very act of incarnation, presence through His Spirit, being here today, where I am, that is enough.
 
And what of the enough? What does that mean? What does enough look like?
 

  • Enough is not easy or plentiful or over-abundant or comfortable.
  • Enough is sometimes no more than survival and the meeting of fundamental needs.
  • Enough often leaves me wishing for more or envious of others’ plenty.
  • Enough isn’t a place of rest but it can be a place of contentment.
  • Enough makes me realise that there is a difference between what I need and what I want.
  • Enough frees me from comparison and releases me to thankfulness.

 
In the waiting I have realised that there is a difference between human and divine ‘enough’.
 
Human ‘enough’ is a bare minimum. An only just adequate portion. A threadbare covering which protects against the most basic conditions.
 
Divine ‘enough’ is a filling from the centre which reaches to the edges. An affirmation of value. A promise of life in all its fullness, which is a life lived in the presence of God
 
A placing of us in the midst of humanity where we can serve and be served, and in doing so allow ourselves to show and be shown the image of our creator.
 
God is with us.
 
God is enough.
 
Wait.
 
Postscript: sometimes the ‘enough’ comes to me through music. One of the first things that I connected with Tanya on was our shared love of the music of Gungor. This song is one that I come back to almost daily. It expresses much of what I’ve tried to express above.

‘I thought I had seen the end. Everything broken. But you were there.’

 
Please be my strength (Güngor)

 

photo-2Caiobhe ( pronounced Keeva) means beautiful at birth – a name we can all claim. It is the name I choose to write under as I am writing to remember who I have been made to be, and I am writing to connect with others on that journey. I care about following Jesus and living with authenticity. I choose to live as a follower of Christ, with integrity, but often I fail. My blog is called ‘The Hope Diaries’ because despite difficult circumstances I believe the word Hope has found me this year.  I have promised myself that I will live fully, passionately, lovingly and openly, and that I will write about that journey. I write about the mess, and the reality of that mess, but with the knowledge that there is hope for all of us, and light to be found in the most unexpected places. Check out my 31 days of  Hope for a Messed-Up Marriage.

 

 

Tweetables:

“Enough isn’t a place of rest but it can be a place of contentment.” – @Caiobhe’s God and Suffering story:
 
“Human ‘enough’ is a bare minimum…Divine ‘enough’ is a filling from the centre which reaches to the edges.”- @Caiobhe
 
“God is with us. God is enough. Wait.” – @Caiobhe’s God and Suffering story:
 

Over to you:

  • How do you experience the ‘enough’ in the midst of suffering?
  • Is God enough?
  • What do you think about the difference between the divine and the human ‘enough’?

 

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13 Responses to Is God enough? – Caiobhe

  1. marvia 28th October, 2014 at 1:25 pm #

    So much hope here. Thank you Caiobhe.
    marvia recently posted…Real Talk on SufferingMy Profile

  2. Monica Benton 24th October, 2014 at 3:57 pm #

    An age old question on why do we suffer? Why do some face so much in their lives? Why do good people get hurt? Is God enough? I can’t answer any of those questions really. I do know this God is enough!!! That thru our stories we give hope to others. You my friend, are doing that.
    Monica Benton recently posted…Hope in SufferingMy Profile

  3. Rebecka 22nd October, 2014 at 8:38 pm #

    Such a beautiful post, thank you. It gave me a lot to think about.

  4. Gayl 22nd October, 2014 at 1:16 am #

    I think we all question the why of suffering sometimes. Maybe we will never know all the answers, but God does. He never promised we wouldn’t have suffering but He did promise to be with us through it.
    I love what you said here: “Divine ‘enough’ is a filling from the centre which reaches to the edges. An affirmation of value. A promise of life in all its fullness, which is a life lived in the presence of God
    A placing of us in the midst of humanity where we can serve and be served, and in doing so allow ourselves to show and be shown the image of our creator.”
    Yes, God is enough and proves that over and over again. We often have to wait, but He is always there.
    Gayl recently posted…Why Must He Suffer?My Profile

  5. Carol 21st October, 2014 at 11:06 am #

    Thank you for such beautiful, heart-rending and honest writing depicting the reality of waiting in the midst of both hope and despair.

  6. Mariah 21st October, 2014 at 10:20 am #

    Oh Caiobhe…

    Those last paragraphs. I may need to frame them and hang them where I can soak them in daily.

    Emmanuel… Divinity with us, in us. And He is enough…
    Mariah recently posted…How to Commit Suicide Every Day :: Day 13 of Drawing Fresh Life from Scripture’s Root{Word}sMy Profile

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  1. What I'm Into (October 2014) | - 5th November, 2014

    […] listened to the God and Suffering stories of Nell Goddard, Caiobhe and Tim Kreider; I traumatised my son by showing him Toy Story, and kicked off quite the discussion […]

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