“Can you please tell me how to get in touch with my local ME specialist? I know the files were being transferred to a new system last year, but I was meant to see him last March, and haven’t heard anything and…”
I stop before the emotion catches up with me: pause, concentrate on my breathing, the rest of the words, unsaid, flowing through my mind.
That I can’t breathe properly when I try and walk, that again my heart is again being peculiar, that again I am needing to be almost completely bedbound, that again I feel helpless and abandoned by the medical profession.
It is becoming a familiar pattern, around January-March each year. I was hoping it might be different this year. You tell yourself – maybe the Vitamin D tablets I’ve been taking, they might be the thing that will avoid the relapse this year. I’m doing better this year, maybe I’ll escape it. Maybe it’s a temporary blip rather than a major crash.
“Um…” Her voice sounds hesitant and apologetic. “I’m really sorry about this. We’ve lost your notes. The only way to access your specialist is to start over again and re-register as a new patient. You’ll have to ask your GP to fill in the forms and send off for the blood tests.”
I hold the phone, trying to process this information.
“But I’ve been in the system for 7 years. I’ve been waiting for a follow-up appointment for 18 months. I’ve been waiting for you to get in touch with me… I haven’t seen my specialist for 18 months.”
“I’m very sorry,” she repeats.
There is a familiarity and a weariness about the ‘again’s that make up so much of life. The early morning commute or the middle-of-the-night wakings or the pain of family arguments – these things are a part of the everyday.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning. (Lam 3:23, paraphrased).
I cling to the words; the love that endures, the mercies that flow again and again.
Over to you:
- What are your ‘agains’ at the moment? In which areas of life are you reaching for God’s mercy?
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